40 Questions for 1 on 1 Sessions

We are just wrapping up the season here and the final step to putting 2014 to rest was the full team 1 on 1 conversations. I try to stay away from words like 'assesment' or 'evaluation' simple because I want it to be a conversation about the season, both good and bad, and those words often carry negative associations when attached to any meeting.

It is often hard to start conversations with players, especially some younger college players, because they view you as an authority figure no different than a teacher or parent. So, you simple get answers like 'it was fun', 'yep', or my favorite 'No, we did everything good/perfect'. This is an evasion tactic to avoid answering hard questions or addressing subjects some players think will upset you (I did it with parents and coaches when I was that age too). So, if you're truly invest in improving as a coach and team you need to hear what they have to say and how to get it out of them. They know the social dynamics, personal and team struggles that we as coaches aren't privileged to and can give us an honest view of ourselves as leaders and our systems as they pertain to the team that uses them.

Below are some tips and forty questions that will help you start the conversation with your players. I hope you find them as helpful as I did when using them.

3 Tips:
1. Shut your mouth and open your ears- Its a common problem in any conversation, people listen but don't hear what is being said. What does that mean? We love to sound smart and polished, so we often are thinking of our witty response as someone is speaking to us. Important nuggets of information go unnoticed and chances for you to ask a question, that might open the mysterious black box of your player, are missed. So, listen to what they are saying and then think of your response to when they just shared with you. Yeah, about that response...

2. Ask the 'W's' often- Who, What, Why, When, Where and hoW. Overuse 'why' and 'how' too. Questions like "What was your best game?" are easy to answer but the follow up of why or how will give you an insight to the process that lead to the positive result, and that is what you should be looking for.

3. Leave the ego at home- We coaches are a narcissistic bunch by nature. We are as good as our ego lets us believe and its not a bad thing, most of the time. But, during these sessions you need to check yourself and that ego because your players need to trust you to say what they feel.
Will you also agree with it? Hell no.
Will it sometimes hurt your feelings? Yep.
But at the end of the day this is how your players feel about you. They are entitled to those feelings and if they have something to say you better dang sure listen. Nothing can be more destructive then trying to argue your point about their view on something. So shut up, write it down, and move on. Than listen to what other players say, are they giving you the same feedback? If that is a yes, you might have found what you were looking for, a way to be better.

Here are my Top 40 questions:

1. What was one of your “worst” games this year? Why?

2. What was one of your “best” games this year? Why?

3. What has been one of your biggest disappointments as a rugby player?

4. What has been one of your greatest accomplishment as a rugby player?

5. What has been one of the best teams you have been on and why?

6. What has been one of the worst teams you have been on and why?

7. What has been a hardship in your life?

8. Who is a “hero” in your life and why?

9. What has been one of your greatest disappointments? What was the best team you have been on?

10. What was the most lopsided loss?

11. What was the most lopsided win?

12. If you didn’t come to rugby, where would you be?

13. When are you the most nervous while you are competing?

14. How do you tend to workout/train when by yourself?

15. In your family, who “likes” your sport the most? Why?

16. What other sport would you like to compete in if you were not playing rugby?

17. If you could be the head coach of a team for a year, what would you change?

18. What is something that is unique about rugby?

19. What is difficult about rugby?

20. What is satisfying about rugby?

21. What is the most challenging thing for you to do in rugby?

22. What was the scariest thing you have had to do? Are you glad you did it?

23. What was the last thing you saw someone do that really impressed you?

24. What is your favorite hobby? Why?

25. What are you goals for the winter?

26. Did you fill out the coach survey?

27. What are your goals for next spring? 7s? Developmental 15?

28. How do you communicate best with people? Them with you?

29. Are you considering running for an officer position? Which one?

30. How do you plan to help progress your club this year?

31. What Position do you want to play? Why?

32. Favorite thing we do at training? The least?

33. Giving your commitment level, what can we do better as coaches to help you stay engaged?

34. Do you want to play representative rugby?

35. Are you going to keep playing when you leave school?

36. Do we honor the tradition of (Club Name)? How?

37. How can we honor the tradition better?

38. Toughest player on the team? Why?

39. What are you doing to work on your mental game?

40. Are you having fun?

Did I miss one? Share it in the comments.

See you pitchside,

The Social Up Front Contract: Establishing How We Do Things

A few years ago the company I work for sent me away to an intense sales training course. This was a two day event in the middle of no where Massachusetts and there I was a 20 something year old mover with little use for sales training, surrounded by a group of middle-aged sales people who had lost touch with the times (one guy talked about making deals on his car phone, CAR phone, like the phone in the bag you plugged into the lighter to turn it on type of phone, not a cell phone.) As the seminar dragged on we came across an interesting technique called up front social contracts.

As a young coach in the process of helping to build a program, made up largely of students who had never played a sport before their first rugby training, I saw a gem that could help the way I taught the game. The social up front contract comes from the Sandler Sales Institute and is based around the following 5 core ideas:

#1: Define the point of the meeting
#2: Length of time to discuss the point
#3: Define the other parties objectives, 'No' is OK
#4: Define your objective
#5: Set the outcome and when it will happen

I  began to think the process over and mold it to help from a coaching perspective. This method was a better way then the typical pen and paper contract as it helped build personal relationships and accountability. Its one thing to sign something that says you promise to play hard, show up and all that prototypical team rah, rah stuff. But, it was another to talk to a group or individual, engage them in conversation and come to a resolution that both parties can agree on. It also allows for honest feedback in the regards that it allows for disagreement or 'no'. Below I will break down each idea and how I use it both in a team setting and a one on one setting.

#1: Define what the drill/meeting/gameplan is trying to achieve; It doesn't matter if it's a drill, game, or an actual sit down meeting you, must give your team or player a reason why they should invest their time. If it's a drill or game, keep it simple, 2 or 3 points at best and make them clear (i.e. follow through on the swing until a certain point, leg drive until you've passed a certain point, kick for points early to build a lead, etc). If it's a meeting, establish the talking points early and stick to them. Write it down and share it, a meeting outline or practice plan are another form of an up front contract.

#2: Use what you need of the time but not a minute more, let them know that; Pick an amount of time and use only what you allow but not a minute more. If it's an on field exercise this will help build urgency and emphasis execution. Communicate your expectations, "I'm giving you 5 minutes to work on your kicking, after that we are onto a team run-through" and don't compromise on that time limit. If a player chooses to waste it, then look at what the next player on the depth chart is doing. This might be the opportunity they have been waiting for. If it's a meeting with the team or an individual define what the topics are and the length of time you're prepared to discuss them and don't stray. If you follow idea #1 this can save you any possible ambushes. You don't want to go into a meeting about fundraising only to be asked about playing time. This isn't fair to you or the other parties involved, as sometimes we can say things in the heat of the moment we don't mean. Just pass it by for the time being with a simple "OK, I understand you frustration but lets stick to the plan and come back to that later today or tomorrow."

#3: As a player what do you want from me/this. Be honest even if it's 'No'; To often as coaches we tell players what to do instead of asking for their input. Now, I know what you're thinking and I agree this can be a slippery slope if not managed correctly. Often asking either a captain or a core group of squad leaders to define their (and the teams) objectives can give you great insight on how your team works and what they view as strength and weaknesses. But, I would not recommend a full squad discussion on the training pitch as they will chase you down the rabbit hole if you get what I'm saying. The most important step in this core idea is the 'No' is ok'. If you hear the 'No, that won't work' ask the most important follow up question 'Why?' and actually listen. If they have a good reason, adjust accordingly as they might have given you a good point on something that can be coached. Same goes for one on one interactions, lets look at a selection issue as an example. Player A asks you why they aren't being selected (or starting). Instead of saying your side right away first ask why they think they aren't be selected (or starting). Hear their side first, and don't let them get away with the "I don't know" answer. Take on board what they have to say and then state your reason with evidence. The next follow up question we often miss as coaches during these discussions are, "what we can I do to help?" This is getting them to verbalize and define their expectations to you so now both parties are being held accountable for their end of the agreement.

#4: What do you want to see and why;  The important thing here is to let them define their objectives first and then you follow. This helps to achieve honest feedback by not having your opinion effect theirs. Be direct, truthful and with evidence when you can. So back to Player A and the selection question; ask them why they think they aren't being selected, acknowledge it, and then tell them what you are looking for in them to be selected. This is a good example of the conversation structure you should follow. This will also allow you to keep up on their learning style, do they need to do it vs do they need to see it.

#5 When will it be done and how; The last core idea is setting the outcome and when they will be completed by. Nothing is worse than empty promises and disregarded deadlines. Once you have agreed on something set a date for when it will be finished/worked on and stick to it. Most importantly define what the outcome will be. For the case of Player A and the selection issue, if you both have established that one weak area is left hand passing then set a time, a half hour before the next practice, and an outcome, 50 passes with good hand position and follow through, so both of you know what you're working for. In a team setting it can be as easy as listing your coaching goals on a practice plan and then defining them during the brief before a drill. Do a couple of reps and ask them for feedback on the objectives, then before restarting it ask for what they can do better. Again, this is another way of getting them to define their outcomes.

The up front contact isn't a perfect system and does take practice. But, if communication is an area you think you struggle with this might be worth a try. We as coaches need to keep growing and evolving with the game and player learning patterns. Or else we might find ourselves in a intense course designed to shock us into the present with some 20 something who is their for free and gunning for our job.

See you pitch side