It is often hard to start conversations with players, especially some younger college players, because they view you as an authority figure no different than a teacher or parent. So, you simple get answers like 'it was fun', 'yep', or my favorite 'No, we did everything good/perfect'. This is an evasion tactic to avoid answering hard questions or addressing subjects some players think will upset you (I did it with parents and coaches when I was that age too). So, if you're truly invest in improving as a coach and team you need to hear what they have to say and how to get it out of them. They know the social dynamics, personal and team struggles that we as coaches aren't privileged to and can give us an honest view of ourselves as leaders and our systems as they pertain to the team that uses them.
Below are some tips and forty questions that will help you start the conversation with your players. I hope you find them as helpful as I did when using them.
3 Tips:
1. Shut your mouth and open your ears- Its a common problem in any conversation, people listen but don't hear what is being said. What does that mean? We love to sound smart and polished, so we often are thinking of our witty response as someone is speaking to us. Important nuggets of information go unnoticed and chances for you to ask a question, that might open the mysterious black box of your player, are missed. So, listen to what they are saying and then think of your response to when they just shared with you. Yeah, about that response...
2. Ask the 'W's' often- Who, What, Why, When, Where and hoW. Overuse 'why' and 'how' too. Questions like "What was your best game?" are easy to answer but the follow up of why or how will give you an insight to the process that lead to the positive result, and that is what you should be looking for.
3. Leave the ego at home- We coaches are a narcissistic bunch by nature. We are as good as our ego lets us believe and its not a bad thing, most of the time. But, during these sessions you need to check yourself and that ego because your players need to trust you to say what they feel.
Will you also agree with it? Hell no.
Will it sometimes hurt your feelings? Yep.
But at the end of the day this is how your players feel about you. They are entitled to those feelings and if they have something to say you better dang sure listen. Nothing can be more destructive then trying to argue your point about their view on something. So shut up, write it down, and move on. Than listen to what other players say, are they giving you the same feedback? If that is a yes, you might have found what you were looking for, a way to be better.
Here are my Top 40 questions:
1. What was one of your “worst” games this year? Why?
2. What was one of your “best” games this year? Why?
3. What has been one of your biggest disappointments as a rugby player?
4. What has been one of your greatest accomplishment as a rugby player?
5. What has been one of the best teams you have been on and why?
6. What has been one of the worst teams you have been on and why?
7. What has been a hardship in your life?
8. Who is a “hero” in your life and why?
9. What has been one of your greatest disappointments? What was the best team you have been on?
10. What was the most lopsided loss?
11. What was the most lopsided win?
12. If you didn’t come to rugby, where would you be?
13. When are you the most nervous while you are competing?
14. How do you tend to workout/train when by yourself?
15. In your family, who “likes” your sport the most? Why?
16. What other sport would you like to compete in if you were not playing rugby?
17. If you could be the head coach of a team for a year, what would you change?
18. What is something that is unique about rugby?
19. What is difficult about rugby?
20. What is satisfying about rugby?
21. What is the most challenging thing for you to do in rugby?
22. What was the scariest thing you have had to do? Are you glad you did it?
23. What was the last thing you saw someone do that really impressed you?
24. What is your favorite hobby? Why?
25. What are you goals for the winter?
26. Did you fill out the coach survey?
27. What are your goals for next spring? 7s? Developmental 15?
28. How do you communicate best with people? Them with you?
29. Are you considering running for an officer position? Which one?
30. How do you plan to help progress your club this year?
31. What Position do you want to play? Why?
32. Favorite thing we do at training? The least?
33. Giving your commitment level, what can we do better as coaches to help you stay engaged?
34. Do you want to play representative rugby?
35. Are you going to keep playing when you leave school?
36. Do we honor the tradition of (Club Name)? How?
37. How can we honor the tradition better?
38. Toughest player on the team? Why?
39. What are you doing to work on your mental game?
40. Are you having fun?Did I miss one? Share it in the comments.
See you pitchside,
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